I feel lost.
I feel so lost.
And I am still feeling lost.
I even start think about why I choose to do the illustration major.
I don’t even know why I choose to do the art.
I feel like I’m really useless and I will never fill my life up.
I forget what I should do for my projects and art style.
I’m always the one who told my buddies and people around me “Stand up and try to reach the sky, don’t forget what you are born for you are born for yourself do the things you wanna do and never give up on your goal.”
But I just lost, like, a week ago.
I know and realize that someday I will never have a chance to do the fan art or whatever picture I wanna do. Because I need to focus on what I should do in order to earn some money.
Money issue finally defeat me.
And I got lost because I am so so so afraid if I will never get a job.
My parents comfort me and told me that I just worry about these kind of things too much. And stop thinking these kind of things.
But I don’t know.
Maybe I should go get a regular job, like maybe doing the business or marketing.
I really don’t know. Because sometimes if I choose to do it I may never have a good chance to get some art education.
I don’t know, and I wanna cry, cry really loudly, and be lonely, but I don’t want to be lonely.
I really just hope, that I can talk to more people, and I just want some people talking with me about these kind of things.
My friends told me I worry too much, too. But I don’t know, even they are right, I just don’t want to spend my parents’ money anymore.
It is really expensive for my to study aboard, especially in US.
I am in one of the best art school in here, in New York City.
School of Visual Arts.
But I still lost.
Even before I got accept, I was so happy that I made it. That I could get a good education of arts.
I don’t know.
People are talking about money, But I’m talking about ability.
The ability I could get a job that I think it would be all right.
I, am, so, afraid.
I just want to say it aloud.
I just want to sit here and talk to tumblr.
I am not always reply you and I am not always using tumblr to reblog stuff, it doesn’t mean I am ignore people in here.
I feel sorry, I feel guilt.
And also, I am scared.